Savage Love

Don't Be A Hypocrite, Dan

The crucial difference between the Craigslist asshole and Mike Jones, the escort who outed Haggard, is this: CLA outed men who were just minding their own kinky business and looking for people who shared their kinks. They were not powerful political or religious figures who were indulging in kinky sex while at the same time pushing laws that stripped other kinky folks of their right to wed, adopt, be free from harassment, etc. The men the CLA outed were not towering hypocrites—and Jones outed Haggard for his hypocrisy, not his homosexuality.

I'm an average guy, not a big stud. My relationships with women have usually been long ones, never quick affairs or one-night stands. But there is this woman at work who, little by little, I have become attracted to. I have been having dreams, real hot fantasies, about her. I found out she is going to leave her job and pretty much move away. I probably won't see her again. Any suggestions on how I can approach this without sounding like an asshole?

Clueless On The Job

Nope.

All unwelcome advances are made by assholes, COTJ, while all welcome advances are made by non-assholes. But since it is the reaction of the advanced-upon that determines asshole status (i.e., if she wants to fuck you then you're not an asshole), and since you can't know if an advance is unwelcome until after you've made it, you have to risk sounding like an asshole or you'll never get laid. No one ever gets laid without sounding like an asshole every once in a while. So are you an asshole? There's only one way to find out: Hit on her. Be respectful and upbeat about it, do it at an appropriate moment (after-work drinks?), and wait until she's no longer employed at the place where you work, particularly if she works under you. But you're going to have to risk sounding like an asshole, COTJ, or you'll never get laid.

A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.

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