By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Five years ago, I began making daily bike rides all over creation, through neighborhoods and wild spaces alike. Early on, I realized I'd regularly have to deal with loose dogs running toward me with the intent to bite. For protection, I armed myself with pepper spray and yummy treats. In all that time, I'm happy to report, I've squirted just one dog in the face. On the other hand, I've doled out hundreds of dollars' worth of canine snacks. Here's how this relates to your imminent future, Aries: When a beastly influence shows up, you may think you should bring out your equivalent of pepper spray. But I bet that offering treats will serve you better..
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Many critics consider Maurice Ravel (1875-1937) to be one of the 20th century's best composers. He is most famous for "Bolero," an orchestral piece that was originally written as the accompaniment for a ballet. The stimulus that served as Ravel's major inspiration for "Bolero" was a visit to a cacophonous steel mill. He's your role model for the coming week, Taurus. I foresee you drawing creative excitement from events that are rife with noise and commotion. May your messy encounters lead you to produce great work, interesting surprises, or both.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): This week I highly recommend that you NOT sit on a photocopier to create images of your buttocks. For reasons too complex to go into here, doing so would put you out of alignment with the cosmic flow. However, now is an excellent time for you to make other strong statements that involve your backside, at least metaphorically. For instance, you will attract fate's favors whenever you get your ass in gear to get to the bottom of things. Luck will also flow your way in direct proportion to how earnestly and rigorously you kick your own butt.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some studies report that drinking moderate amounts of alcohol regularly is good for your heart. Other research says that's not true at all. Similarly, the frequent use of cell phones either raises the risk for brain cancer or it doesn't; prayer done on behalf of sick people either helps them or it doesn't. Different scientists have come to opposite conclusions on both issues. In fact, contradictory opinions about a wide range of health concerns are now routine. That's just one of several good reasons why you should tune out experts as you tune into your own body, Cancerian. Go in quest of insights about how to promote your physical well-being by trusting your still, small inner voice, not loud, confident authorities.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You may soon have a dream of beating up the person you were five years ago. This would be a good omen. It means you're ready to wean yourself completely from a stale old self-image. If you dream of feeding caviar and champagne to a donkey, it's also a positive sign. It means you're beginning to recognize that the hard-working beast in you needs to be treated more luxuriously. And if you dream of yelling at a bunch of kids to go clean up their messy bedrooms, Leo, that's an auspicious portent as well. It signifies your readiness to discipline the irresponsible habits and organize the unruly impulses of your inner child.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing," said motivational author Dale Carnegie. Those should be your words to live by for the rest of 2006. It's time for you to become almost ruthless in your intention to enjoy yourself as you carry out your life's work. I'm tempted to go so far as to say that you should disentangle yourself from any commitment in which duty overshadows pleasure. Your drive to do good deeds and be of use to people will ultimately fall short unless you love what you do.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You've slipped into the Anything-Goes Zone. It has resemblances to a duty-free store in an international airport, a speakeasy during the Prohibition Era, and the more benign areas of the Twilight Zone. There you may very well experience events that seem to happen off the record and days that take place outside of time. You could feel like you're in a buffer zone or waiting room–a nerve-wracking sanctuary where you're safe and yet filled with doubts and pregnant questions. At least half the cards will be wild. Exceptions to the rules will be the rule. My advice? Experiment ingeniously.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Recently, less than five percent of the world's astronomers voted to demote Pluto from a planet to a "dwarf planet." Some Scorpios were alarmed, since Pluto is the heavenly body that traditionally rules your sign. My opinion? Don't worry. I agree with mythologist Roxanna Bikadoroff, who says there's poetic justice in calling Pluto a dwarf planet. In fairy tales, dwarves are often magicians who possess hidden storehouses of riches and act as agents of creative transformation. They typically live beneath bridges, which are symbols of transitional thresholds, and are masters of in-between states. They bestow blessings on anyone who is able to pass their demanding tests. This is an apt symbolic description of you at your most potent, which I expect you to be during the coming weeks.