By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I'm pleased to announce the imminent arrival of a new chapter in your own personal soap opera. It could include any of the following plot twists: midnight confessions, madcap sex farces, thumb-sucking saints, an invitation to play leapfrog with a unicorn, work turning into play and vice versa, a showdown between the reptile brain and mammalian brain, a chance to bob for lollipops in a fountain, a thunderstorm coming just in time to douse a raging fire, samurais wearing pajamas, a supernatural ham sandwich, and opportunities to tinker with your "Me Against the World" attitude.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Has a baby ever been born with two umbilical cords? If so, he or she would be a good symbol for you in the coming weeks. Why? Because you should be extremely aggressive about getting the nurturing you need--even to the point of double-dipping from a primal source. In my astrological opinion, it's your responsibility to make sure you're flooded with blessings. Trust your unprecedented hunger.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Kathleen Raine (1908-2003) was a brilliant Cambridge-educated scholar and poet who won numerous awards for her poetry in the U.K. and France. Many of her colleagues were towering intellectuals, but she herself wanted "to get away from the Sherlock Holmes misconception that everything has a rational explanation." She gravitated instead toward "the sacred springs of life, which are the imagination and the heart." She's your role model right now, Gemini. I hope she'll inspire you to apply all of your high-powered ingenuity to an exploration of soul-awakening mysteries that can't be encapsulated with neat analyses. It's a perfect moment for you to celebrate the indescribable bounty of fertile chaos.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are there influences that render you numb or even dumb? What experiences tend to shut you down? When you're gliding along in your natural rhythm, are you sometimes interrupted by blips that make you feel lost and unresponsive? According to my reading of the astrological omens, Cancerian, you now have extra power to fight back against these little outbreaks of black magic. It's a perfect moment to get the upper hand on anything that closes you off from the world or locks you away from your own intuition.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The Hebrew word "shalom" is both a hello infused with a goodbye and a goodbye leavened with a hello. That's why it would be wise and fun for you to make it your word of power in the coming days. You'll be spinning through a transitional zone in which it won't always be clear which direction is up. You'll be coming and going simultaneously, embarking on new journeys and ending old ones. Whenever you say "shalom," whether it's a greeting to someone else or a mantra uttered in solitude, you'll remind yourself that the threshold you're in is pregnant with a thousand possibilities.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Some scientists believe our brains are in a continual state of war. Writing in LiveScience.com, Bjorn Carey reports that our grey matter is a battleground where competing thoughts and impulses struggle for supremacy, brawling and jousting for our undivided attention. I have reason to believe that this ruckus will be far more pronounced than usual for you in the coming weeks, Virgo. All of your pairs of opposites will intensify their conflict, with each side clamoring and maneuvering to be declared winner. What I recommend may surprise you. I think you should just sit back with amused tolerance and let them fight it out. There really is no pressing need for you to be anything other than a radiant bundle of fascinating contradictions.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I'm not a big fan of excessive decorum. That's why I'm opposed to the efforts by some professional tennis officials to stop the spread of grunting among female tennis players. The great Monica Seles started the trend some years ago, emitting war cries as she struck the ball, and since then many other players have made it a part of their game. This is a favorable time for you to experiment with what they have discovered: that making loud mouth noises loosens your inhibitions, boosts your confidence, and lubricates your power. Liberate your GRUNT, Libra!.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In preparation for my public readings and performances, I often ask my hosts to make sure that there are pussy willows and pomegranates placed near the podium, along with a pint of absinthe, a jump rope woven from hemp for use in my interactive rituals, and a box of slave-free, non-GMO, organic vegan chocolates. What about you, Scorpio? What items would you demand in your rider if you were asked to speak about your philosophy of life to a curious audience? It's an ideal time to meditate on this matter. According to my astrological analysis, you will soon be in the spotlight, will be encouraged to spread your influence more forcefully, and will have openings to ask for what you want with aggressive clarity.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Austin artist Scott Wade likes to let layers of dust collect on the rear window of his car. That allows him to express his specialty: detailed "paintings" carved out of the dust with his fingers and paintbrushes. The most exquisite of his temporary masterpieces was a black-and-white reproduction of one of the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" paintings. I recommend you make Wade your role model, Sagittarius. Create unexpected wonders and exuberant curiosities out of stuff that's used in a different way than it's "supposed" to be.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I recently found out there's a famous guy out there with a name similar to mine. Rob Brzezinski is an administrator for pro football's Minnesota Vikings. He's regarded as a "cap guru," meaning he's highly skilled at manipulating the National Football League's Byzantine "cap" system of rules about how much money a team can spend on its players. That's pretty funny given the fact that I've been working really hard in the last few months to become a "Cappy guru," by which I mean someone who understands Capricorns really well. I mention this because it's prime time for you to seek out and learn from people who are to you what Rob Brzezinski is to me: your counterpart, soul twin, shadow, doppelganger, or other half.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Imagine asking fundamentalist nutcase Jerry Falwell to evaluate a book about evolution by a renowned science writer like Richard Dawkins. Imagine handing poet Allen Ginsberg's masterwork Howl to a janitor in Bangladesh and paying him to write his opinions about it. The effect would be similar to an event that actually occurred recently. The New York Times invited ex-Marine sniper Anthony Swofford, author of the Gulf War memoir Jarhead, to review a subversive metaphysical experiment penned by visionary philosopher Daniel Pinchbeck. As you might expect, Swofford's screed was 85 percent hallucination. Let the Times' gaffe serve as a warning beacon, Aquarius. It's now crucial for you to gather a range of discriminating opinions about yourself and the possibilities you're considering. Don't rely on people who have no familiarity with, understanding of, or respect for the issues you want feedback about.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Neurologist Oliver Sacks writes books in which he describes the ingenious adaptations some of his patients have made when faced with limitations that other people might have found debilitating. One example is an artist whose car accident caused him to lose his ability to see any other colors besides black and white. In response, he became a specialist in creating black and white paintings, and ultimately developed a mastery that won him acclaim. Later, when offered a chance to undergo treatment to restore the full spectrum of vision, he declined. Take heart from his story, Pisces. The coming weeks will be an excellent time for you, too, to capitalize on one of your seeming liabilities or inadequacies.