By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As I take my daily bike ride into the hills, I pass a place where a beer-truck driver named Elijah lives. It's a trailer with old tires and rusty tools littering the driveway. Today there was a new addition: a 1975 Chevy El Camino, a vehicle that's like a car up front and a pick-up truck in back. It had a bumper sticker that read "Theresa and Johnny's Comfort Food – Live Free or Die." The whole scene reminded me of the message I want to convey to you, Sagittarius. First, I believe you should bring into your sphere a fresh old thing that's an amalgam of two different categories, akin to Elijah acquiring a brand new 31-year-old vehicle that's half-car and half-truck. Second, I think you should make sure you feel extremely secure--stocking up on the equivalent of "comfort food"– as you initiate a major push for liberation.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You: difficult to push around, more hungry for intimacy than you let on, smarter than 85 percent of the people you know. Me: provider of friendly shocks, fond of playing a didgeridoo in the rain at dusk and dawn, outrageously tolerant of other people's eccentricities. So is there any hope of a relationship between us? Well of course there is. We're having a relationship right now, aren't we? Maybe it's not the exact kind of connection you'd like to have with me, but you've got to admit there's value in it. Now please apply that lesson to your thinking about all your close alliances: Love them for what they are, and don't criticize them for what they're not.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In one of his poems, the late, great Charles Olson praised "lovers of the difficult." He didn't mean that in some sadomasochistic sense; he wasn't cheering on people who perversely enjoy suffering. Rather, he meant to express his admiration for those whose lust for life drives them to seek answers to the knottiest questions. He was recommending that we wrestle with intractable problems whose solutions unleash blessings on the world. In the coming week, Aquarius, I encourage you to be one of these lovers of the difficult..
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The dance called the waltz is regarded as schmaltzy, but it was originally the punk music of its era. After its first appearance in England in 1816, an editorial in The Times called it obscene, a dance worthy only of prostitutes, because of its "voluptuous intertwining of the limbs and close compressure on the bodies." Religious authorities in Europe thought it was vulgar and sinful. My prediction is that you're currently entertaining a new trend that will have a history not unlike that of the waltz. It may cause a ruckus in the beginning, but will eventually become the pinnacle of normalcy.