By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Three years before Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code came out, my book The Televisionary Oracle was published. In it, I riffed extensively on Mary Magdalene's role as Jesus's consort, collaborator, and co-creator of Christianity–similar in ways to Brown's themes. Sales of my tome are approaching 10,000, while Brown's have topped 61 million. Why the contrast? His work is a linear detective story, while mine is an experimental blend of magical realism, prophetic philosophy, and oracular poetry. His characterizations and plot hew to established conventions of mainstream fiction, while mine spring from my muse and real life. The difference between our approaches is comparable to the choice you have ahead of you, Aries. You can opt for greater popularity and loyalty to convention, or you can choose to be more of a secret as you rigorously follow the promptings of your inner voice..
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can the buggers is to use a larger can. So says Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics. I urge you to keep that in mind during the coming week, Taurus. You or someone close to you may suffer from a blissful mania or temporary insanity that leads them to think that liberating the canned worms is a wise idea. Maybe it will ultimately prove to be the right thing to do, but it could cause a ruckus in the short run. In any case, make it your job to have a barrel-size can on hand for the re-containment.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Recently a team of a thousand workers spent a week scraping off 600,000 wads of chewing gum that had become bonded to the surface of Beijing's Tiananmen Square. If you choose to accept it, Gemini, your assignment in the coming week is to carry out a procedure comparable to China's massive, intricate effort to wipe the slate clean. It may be time-consuming and a bit excruciating–the equivalent of shuffling around for hours on your hands and knees–but in retrospect I think you'll be very glad you did it. Its surprisingly cathartic effect will make you smarter and wilder and kinder and trickier.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): This will be an excellent time--maybe one of the best weeks ever–to try herding cats, coaxing hermits to do karaoke, and getting anorexics to eat veggie burgers with all the fixings. In other words, Cancerian, the once-inconceivable may become likely. The adventures you swore you would never have the courage to attempt are suddenly within your capacity. You can at least partially dissolve the one fear you've always believed would hobble you forever.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): According to the Bible, the apostle Thomas did not immediately accept the other disciples' reports that Christ had survived his crucifixion and come back to life in a resurrected body. "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side," Thomas said, "I will not believe it." Later Christ appeared in person to Thomas and invited him to put his hand in the actual wound. Moral of the story: The person who doubted was given a special privilege. Let that be your guiding thought in the coming week, Leo. Demand proof. Seek actual evidence to bolster your faith.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): July 4, 1776 is generally regarded as the day the 13 American colonies issued the Declaration of Independence, thereby asserting their right to be free of Britain's rule. But the fact is that only two members of the Continental Congress signed the document on that day. Most of the other 54 men waited until August 2. In a similar way, Virgo, a process you thought was fully climaxed this week will not reach its full ripening until early August. I suggest you reserve making your final conclusions until then.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your patron saint for the month of July is Dublin professor James Mays. A few years ago he made a major splash in the literary world. While researching the work of Libran poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834), Mays discovered 300 previously unknown poems written by the co-founder of England's Romantic Movement, doubling what had long been thought to be his total output. I predict that in the coming weeks, Libra, you too will make a breakthrough that will give you access to a fresh trove of creative resources that have been hidden from your view.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Like a bird, you seem to have the ability to defy gravity lately. You're acting with the expansiveness that comes from having a wide-ranging, high-in-the-sky view of life. Sometimes you remind me of a thunderbird, which among Native Americans was a mythical raptor that carried messages between spiritual beings. Its eyes unleashed lightning and its enormous wings beat so hard that they spawned storms. But sometimes, Scorpio, you're more like a nightingale–a small, graceful songbird that sings beautiful, complicated songs at night when no other bird is singing. Congratulations on your versatility. Only you could pull off being half-thunderbird and half-nightingale.