By Andy Mannix
By Caleb Hannan
By Olivia LaVecchia
By CP Staff
By Aaron Rupar
By Jacob Wheeler
By Olivia LaVecchia
By Aaron Rupar
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The general consensus is that Americans are getting dumber. A recent study, for instance, reported that more people can name the characters in The Simpsons TV show than know the rights guaranteed by the First Amendment. Yet an article by Malcolm Gladwell in The New Yorker notes that Americans' I.Q. scores have been steadily rising for a long time--so much so that a person whose I.Q. placed her in the top ten percent of the population in 1920 would be in the bottom third today. One possible explanation: Our "growing stupidity" may better be described as a difficulty keeping up with the ever-growing mass of facts, whereas we're actually becoming better at solving problems. That's a key issue in my advice to you, Aries. You're in a phase that's favorable for upgrading your intelligence--by which I mean improving your problem-solving skills, not accumulating more facts.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This is a time when you must put one concern above all others: being true to yourself. Don't you dare elevate other people's needs above your own. Don't you dare let their guilt trips manipulate you into watering down your interesting quirks. You have simply got to devote yourself exuberantly to your idiosyncratic dreams. You owe it to yourself to learn all you can about your innermost secrets and ripening mysteries. You need to be ingeniously obsessed with serving your deepest, wildest, most noble longings
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "It is not possible to get the blessing without the madness," wrote Norman O. Brown in his book Apocalypse and/or Metamorphosis. "It is not possible to get the illuminations without the derangement." His words ring true for you right now, Gemini. Lately you've been pursuing (and getting pursued by) wickedly twisted yet fertile opportunities, and now you're near the climax of the madness and derangement. Next stop: blessings and illuminations.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): According to the Bible, Jehovah gave Adam the job of bestowing names on everything. But in Ursula Le Guin's story "She Unnames Them," Eve decides to reverse her mate's work. She yearns to return to a primordial state when the misunderstandings caused by words no longer stand between her and the rest of creation. So she unnames all the animals, from the sea otters to the bees. When she's done, she marvels on how they feel "far closer than when their names had stood between myself and them like a clear barrier." Take your inspiration from Eve, Cancerian. Bypass the ideas and language you use to cage your raw experience, and instead commune with the primal essence of everything.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Even if you're in your twenties or thirties or forties now, someday you'll be an elder. At that time you will be in a position to guide and inspire younger people with the wisdom you've gathered. Obsessions that motivated you at an earlier age will have become irrelevant to you. You will have learned to move with relative grace in and out of periods of darkness and uncertainty. You'll be less inclined to look back toward your own personal childhood and more oriented toward the future of your immortal soul, of your family, and of the human race. In the coming days, you have an excellent opportunity to tune in to the elder you will ultimately become. The veils between now and then are lifting. You have the power to prophesy your own evolution.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When lightning strikes a human being, it's usually bad news. Not so in the case of a man from Maine named John Corson. After experiencing a whitish-blue bolt shoot through his body during a thunderstorm, he testified that his health became better than it had been in a long time. "I feel lighter and 100 years younger," he marveled. I predict a comparable (though less shocking) rejuvenation for you, Virgo. What you're going through or about to go through might cause a breakdown in some people, but for you it will lead to a breakthrough.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Dear Rob: In my dream last night, it was my wedding day and I was flying like a superhero over hills made of millions of jewels and jelly beans. My superhero sweetie was soaring alongside me, and we were headed toward an ocean-side amusement park with a futuristic theme. Unfortunately, we overshot our landing and ended up plunging into the sea. Fortunately, we could breathe underwater just fine. We swam down to a superhero convention that was taking place in a museum on the ocean floor. When we arrived, we were given a wedding cake shaped like a giant key. What does my dream mean? -Mind-Boggled Libra." Dear Boggled: Like many members of the Libran tribe, you're currently enjoying tremendous opportunities to blend adventure and intimacy. Your dream reflects how wide open your imagination is to the possibilities.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "We should take astrology seriously," says zoologist Richard Dawkins. "No, I don't mean we should believe in it. I am talking about fighting it seriously instead of humoring it as harmless fun." In his view, astrology is a bogus discipline that fosters superstition and undermines clear thinking. Opposing Dawkins' perspective was that of seminal psychologist Carl Jung, one of the 20th century's greatest thinkers. "Astrology represents the summation of all the psychological knowledge of antiquity," he wrote. He routinely used astrological birth charts to help understand his psychotherapy patients. Dawkins and Jung can't both be right, can they? I suggest you entertain the possibility that they are, Scorpio. In fact, try this dual approach with every major idea you care about. Experiment with what happens when you assume that both sides of every story have a piece of the truth.
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