By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you live to be 90 years old, you will have spent a total of eight months sitting in your car stopped at red lights. In addition, you will have wasted ten months standing in lines at stores, banks, and government agencies, and you will have lost almost two years killing time while hoping that a certain phone call, letter, or email will arrive. That's the bad news, Aries. The good news is that few of those agonizing pauses will be racked up in the near future. This is one time when "no waiting" is the rule. You could make three months' progress in 15 days.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I once knew a psychic who worked with people in comas. He contacted their spirits, which were wandering in limbo between this world and the next, and tried to convince them to either fully return to their bodies or else let their bodies die and formally exit to the other side. The task you now face is nowhere as dramatically life-and-death as that, Taurus, but it's comparable in a sense: Being neither here nor there is a futile state that you shouldn't continue to accept. Do what's necessary to make the knotty choice with as much grace as possible.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Plato said God was a geometer who created an ordered universe imbued with mathematical principles. Through the ages, scientists who've dared to speak of a Supreme Being have sounded the same theme. Galileo wrote, "To understand the universe, you must know the language in which it is written. And that language is mathematics." Modern physicist Stephen Hawking says that by using mathematical theories to comprehend the nature of the cosmos, we're trying to know "the mind of God." But philosopher Richard Tarnas proposes a different model than these three. In his book Cosmos and Psyche, he suggests that God is an artist—more in the mold of Shakespeare than Einstein. Your assignment, Gemini, is to practice seeing the world like that: as a sublime work of art crafted by a master of drama, suspense, and storytelling. In my opinion, your life these days is a lyrical example of this divine craft.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): "All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware," wrote philosopher Martin Buber. That's something you're on the verge of proving, Cancerian. Any day now I hope you will discover the hidden truth about a treasure you didn't know you've been searching for; you will stumble upon the surprising answer to a riddle you hadn't even realized you desperately need to solve.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I had a dream about my three closest Leo friends. In the dream, I was observing them as they wriggled out of cocoons that were hanging from a large tree that resembled a dinosaur skeleton. They were covered with feathers and their arms had turned into wings, though they still had human faces. Once they were free of the cocoons, they soared away. As I watched their ascent, my own arms began to transform into feathered wings. I felt that I, too, would soon be able to fly. Here's how I interpret my dream: You Leos are ready to take off, and your flights will serve as inspiring examples to other people.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Did you ever get one of those spam emails informing you that you've won the lottery in the Netherlands or that your government is trying to locate you in order to give you the assets of a distant relative who died and left you an inheritance? In the coming week, you should be alert for messages that contain authentic versions of those phony come-ons. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you have become eligible for benefits you don't know about or have barely guessed the existence of.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The World Conservation Union says that one out of every eight of the Earth's plant species is facing extinction. The threat is even higher in the U.S., where 29 percent are at risk. You may imagine this has no impact on your personal life, but I believe your deep self experiences it with tremendous sadness and loss. In accordance with current astrological omens, you might consider addressing the situation by revitalizing your connection to the plant world. Try singing to a forsythia bush. Hug a cherry tree. Say a prayer for a garden. Eat a salad or drink chamomile tea with reverent gratitude. Buy a new African violet for your home.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your power animal is the Hawaiian fish known as the humuhumunukunukuapuaa. It has two spines, and that'll be a good symbol for you in the coming days: You'll need to have a powerful backbone as you weather challenges to your integrity and authority. The humuhumunukunukuapuaa is also able to wedge itself into tight spaces to seek temporary refuge from its adversaries. That has a metaphorical resemblance to a skill I hope you'll cultivate. Finally, the humuhumunukunukuapuaa looks like a pig and makes pig-like grunts. You'll benefit from having a similar ability to confound people about what kind of animal you are. Having multiple identities will keep you strong.