But I haven't really answered your question: Should you tell your husband about this incident? If you think it was a one-time thing, if it really did just "happen," and if you're sure it won't happen again, then spare your poor husband—this man you love SO much—the incredible details and absurd rationalizations.
Personally, JOB, I could forgive my boyfriend for jerking off some dude he thought was funny and nice and witty—hell, I'd wanna watch—but I would have to slap the gay right off his face if his admission came bobbing along in a similar stream of bullshit. "And then the next thing I knew, honey, I was beating him off because, golly, I wasn't thinking about it and, gosh, I only swallowed his load because I didn't want to make a mess." If you decide to tell your husband you cheated on him, JOB, don't make things worse by insulting his intelligence too. Tell him you were into this guy and you took advantage when he was vulnerable and you ate his spunk because you dug him. And then tell him you're sorry—even if it's a lie, which I'm guessing it would be.
I'm a 26-year-old woman and a "devotee," which means that I am primarily attracted to men with disabilities. I appreciate the recent column you did on the sex lives of people with disabilities, although I was a little dismayed by the follow-up letter from a disabled man who said that having a relationship with a devotee is "emotionally crippling." While I thank you for sticking up for us, I also want to point out that there are a lot of devotees who have no desire to torment a man in a wheelchair. I simply find wheelchairs very sexy and it has nothing to do with helplessness. I'm sorry if some disabled men have had bad experiences with devotees, but I know for a fact that there are plenty of men out there who have had wonderful experiences.