By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Science writer Carl Sagan liked to say that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence." He often invoked that idea in his crusade to debunk theories he considered outlandish, like the proposition that extraterrestrials are visiting our planet. While I think Sagan's measuring stick is usually quite useful, you should be careful about applying it too fanatically in the coming week. Surprising and marvelous possibilities are headed your way, and at least one of them will be very real but impossible for your rational mind to validate.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In Sicily, the word "mafia" once meant beauty, charm, excellence, or boldness. In its modern usage, both in Italian and English, none of the old senses of the word have survived. It refers to organized crime, and conveys a sinister mood. I encourage you to identify a comparable thing in your own life, Taurus: a situation, influence, or relationship that was formerly a blessing, but that has now degenerated into a source of darkness. Is there anything you can do to resurrect its original glory? If it's even remotely possible, now is the time you're most likely to accomplish it.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): About 149 light years from Earth, astronomers have discovered a planet in a solar system with three stars. If you lived on that world, you'd regularly see three different sunrises, one each by a yellow, orange, and red sun. I think that happens to be an apt metaphor for your current state of affairs, Gemini. Several potent sources are competing to be your lodestar; you can't decide which one you want to be your wellspring of meaning. I'm not saying that's bad. In fact, it could be very interesting. But if you choose to keep indulging in this division of your attention, you will have to work hard not to become scattered.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Have you seen the TV show "Lost"? One of the tales it tells is about a character named John Locke, who has been confined to a wheelchair for years. When the plane he's riding on crashes on a Pacific island, he is not only unhurt, he recovers the use of his legs. The accident itself is somehow the mysterious cause of the miracle. I predict that you will be the beneficiary of events that have a metaphorical or mythic resemblance to Locke's story. Luckily, the triggering experience will be nowhere near as scary or dangerous as Locke's. And while the resulting transformation may also be less spectacular, it will fix a knotty problem or restore a lost capacity.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You have gone through feline phases before, Leo, but your current resonance with cat-like energy is extraordinary. I wouldn't be surprised if you felt desires to undulate when you move, scratch furniture, sleep more than usual, rub yourself against people you love, act downright inscrutable, and get lots of high-quality alone time. I also suspect you'll need to find a way to express a pressing urge to hunt. My advice? You might want to seek guidance in some of those horoscope books for cats, like Cat Astrology by Michael Zulio or Starcats by Helen Hope.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): To convey the dirt simple oracle you need to hear, I'm going to steal a line from the poet William Kulik: "You can't *get it* because you've already got it." In other words, Virgo, your only hope for enjoying the lovely experience you're wistfully fantasizing about is to register the fact that the lovely experience is available to you right now. It's already yours for the taking.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Dear Rev. Brezsny: I had a dream that I was inside a drawing by M.C. Escher. Every time I reached the top of a stairway I found myself again at the bottom of the same stairway. I couldn't tell which way was up and which was down. Depending on how I turned my head, the sky was above me and full of swimming fish or it was below me and full of flying birds. I kept seeing a snake swallowing its own tail. What does it all mean? -Puzzled Libra." Dear Puzzled: I believe your dream points to three experiences that a lot of Librans are having right now: 1. Opposites are not only starting to attract; they may even be flowing into each other. 2. Beginnings and endings are not merely overlapping; they may both be contained in the same situation. 3. An influence now entering your life has arrived here from eternity.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): George III was King of England from 1760 to 1820. During the last years of his reign, he gradually became more and more insane, talking to himself for hours on end and addressing trees as if they were people. When he first began losing his mind, his servants and assistants decided they would try to make him feel more comfortable by acting crazy themselves. Their collusion with George's pathology is an extreme example of a situation that all of us are at risk of. Our associates and loved ones may fall into a rhythm of going along with our odd ideas and bad habits, encouraging us to continue doing what we probably shouldn't do. I think this could be a potential problem for you in the coming days, Scorpio. Your allies may not bust you or call your bluff, which means you'd better do it yourself.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers," wrote novelist Thomas Pynchon. Between now and the end of the year, Sagittarius, please gaze into a mirror and tell yourself that advice regularly. You can't afford to let anyone—authorities, experts, enemies, or even friends—set the ground rules or define the contours of your quest for the truth. Your driving passion should be to frame the unique questions that will lead you inexorably to what you need to know next. (P.S. The answers you receive will be wrong until you frame those crafty questions.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "If in the last few years you haven't discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead." So said the humorist Gelett Burgess, and now, just in time for your Shedding Season, I'm offering his advice to you. It's high time for you to get rid of all the old stuff you possibly can, including not only the major opinions that you've outgrown, but also mementoes that have lost their meaning, clothes that no longer match your self-image, and once-exciting adventures that have succumbed to numbing habit.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Writing in November's Esquire, Chuck Klosterman described the National Football League as one of the most successful socialist institutions in the world. As evidence, he notes that rich teams in the biggest markets are required to share their revenue with poor teams in small markets. The league's best franchise in recent years, the New England Patriots, has won so many games because its star players have volunteered to accept reduced salaries, making more cash available for the team to assemble the best possible collection of second-line players. I recommend a similar approach to you, Aquarius. It's a propitious time to bring the NFL's brand of communalism to the group or business or tribe that's so important to you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "There are two tragedies in life," said George Bernard Shaw. "One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it." If we satisfy our deepest longings, in other words, we lose our primary reason for living. We love to feel our yearnings so much that we're devastated if they're ever quenched. Or so the argument goes. But I'm here to tell you, Pisces, that you have a good chance of refuting this theory in 2006. I think you'll get exactly what you've wanted, and then thrive in the aftermath. A crucial key to this potential success story will be offered to you in the coming week.