By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers," wrote novelist Thomas Pynchon. Between now and the end of the year, Sagittarius, please gaze into a mirror and tell yourself that advice regularly. You can't afford to let anyone—authorities, experts, enemies, or even friends—set the ground rules or define the contours of your quest for the truth. Your driving passion should be to frame the unique questions that will lead you inexorably to what you need to know next. (P.S. The answers you receive will be wrong until you frame those crafty questions.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "If in the last few years you haven't discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead." So said the humorist Gelett Burgess, and now, just in time for your Shedding Season, I'm offering his advice to you. It's high time for you to get rid of all the old stuff you possibly can, including not only the major opinions that you've outgrown, but also mementoes that have lost their meaning, clothes that no longer match your self-image, and once-exciting adventures that have succumbed to numbing habit.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Writing in November's Esquire, Chuck Klosterman described the National Football League as one of the most successful socialist institutions in the world. As evidence, he notes that rich teams in the biggest markets are required to share their revenue with poor teams in small markets. The league's best franchise in recent years, the New England Patriots, has won so many games because its star players have volunteered to accept reduced salaries, making more cash available for the team to assemble the best possible collection of second-line players. I recommend a similar approach to you, Aquarius. It's a propitious time to bring the NFL's brand of communalism to the group or business or tribe that's so important to you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "There are two tragedies in life," said George Bernard Shaw. "One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it." If we satisfy our deepest longings, in other words, we lose our primary reason for living. We love to feel our yearnings so much that we're devastated if they're ever quenched. Or so the argument goes. But I'm here to tell you, Pisces, that you have a good chance of refuting this theory in 2006. I think you'll get exactly what you've wanted, and then thrive in the aftermath. A crucial key to this potential success story will be offered to you in the coming week.