Savage Love

Boy Into Troubling Erotica

"Loads of people fantasize about things they'd never do—and a person can have this fantasy for his entire life and never act upon it," says Midori. "I think a lot of Greek mythology about people and animals having sex must have come out of such fantasies. And, hey, do you ever fantasize about being that dog or horse? Then it would be fantasy role-playing and not bestiality."

Oh, and an observation from me, BITE: You say bestiality is wrong because "no person should ever force an animal to do anything." Um, what about women? Unlike mainstream porn, almost all of the women who appear in bestiality porn were forced into it. A little less concern for dogs and a little more for women might help you work through this.

I'm with a great guy, and our sex life is awesome. Here's the but: He's asked me to try dominating him. I want to fulfill his fantasies (I even bought some killer props and scary stilettos), but whenever we do any role-playing, I find it ridiculous rather than sexy. Do you have any advice on how to avoid bursting out laughing when he says things like "Oh, please don't spank me, I'm a good boy"?

Love This Relationship

"Go ahead and laugh," says Midori, "and then pull him over your lap for making you laugh, and while you're laughing, spank him!" Midori also felt—and I agree—that you need to rethink your notion of how a dominant behaves. "Forget the grim, dark, dower Mistress stereotype," she added. "You gotta find your own style! I've got some advice for finding your dominance style in my latest book. You might want to check that out."

Speaking of: I just finished reading Midori's latest book, Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink (Daedalus), and anyone who enjoys Savage Love should check it out. Oh, and Midori and I chatted about a couple of other letters that we didn't have space for here. Go to to read the extras.

Dan Savage's new book—The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family—is on sale now.

« Previous Page
Minnesota Concert Tickets