By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
You so rarely answer questions of etiquette in your column, unlike so many of your advice-giving peers. Here's one for you: I've been in a casual sexual relationship with this girl for about four months. (Two months ago we spoke, reaffirming that all either of us wanted was the casual sex.) I have grown weary of it though, and am ready to move on. What is the appropriate way to end this affair? Can it be done over e-mail? The phone? Or does having my dick inside her for a quarter-year earn this woman the right to be "broken up" with in person?
You would be within your NSA rights to break things off with this woman by e-mail, WO. The affair has been casual and you can be equally casual about the end, avoiding the formal, in-person breakup you seem to dread.
But I wouldn't recommend it.
The pool of women willing to have NSA sex is relatively small, WO, and many of these women are friendly with each other, gathering in stylish bars and restaurants to compare notes and swap terribly amusing stories about their sex partners. The relatively remote chance that this woman is friendly with another woman with whom you may want to enjoy casual sex in the future, WO, requires that you end things over the phone, at the very least, or in person.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'm straight and kinky. However, it's not okay with the people I work for and with, and not always okay with the people I date. I've tried hanging out in scenes specifically designed for kinksters, but it doesn't work for me. I find goth funny and I find people that take neo-paganism, role-play, or calling themselves the "Dark Lord of Warpedness" seriously funny. What do I do? In theory it's okay to ask someone if they're kinky and have them refuse, but it's not okay when they feel the need to vent to their friends about it, especially when their friends blab. This is particularly problematic in my case. I live in an area where those who are not entirely straight and married are liable to be prosecuted. There are a few out kinksters in town, but they're extroverts who seem happy to be the local "weirdos." I'm an introvert and a private person. I don't want to be condemned, or lose my livelihood, or spend the rest of my time with my legs crossed and my other bits untouched. Any advice?
Need One Smart Acronym
I'm not being glib, NOSA. Pick your kinky ass up and move it to a great big city. The nonkinksters you meet will still gossip about your kinks, and the kink scene will be just as overrun with goths, neo-pagans, role-players, extroverts happy to be the local weirdos, and a seemingly endless supply of Dark Lords of Warpedness. (And God bless 'em, NOSA. There wouldn't be an organized kink scene but for the efforts of the extroverts and weirdos.) But in a larger city's larger kink scene, NOSA, your odds of finding a nice, shy, retiring kinkster are higher. Your odds of losing your job for being kinky are infinitely smaller in a big city, rendering harmless whatever gossip your kinks inspire.
My girlfriend and I are very happy. We have fun and do kinky stuff in the sack. I have just one complaint about our sex life. When it comes down to her coming, she gets on top and grinds. Now when I say "grind" I mean she sits on me and grinds her clit into my pubic bone. I don't mind it during sex, in fact I enjoy it, but afterward it feels like I took a few punches to the pubic region. Any ideas on what to do?
Pummeled In My Pubes
Suffer, bitch. You fuck your girlfriend before she gets down to grinding into you, right? If you fuck her with any passion, PIMP, I guarantee you she feels like she's taken a few punches to the pubic region too.
I'm 30 and married. My husband and I have been together since we were teens. Over the years I've been GGG--sex clubs, blowjobs galore, a multitude of positions and scenarios, homemade porn, sex toys, pegging, and I even watched him have sex with someone else. But the other day, looking through our computer bookmarks, I opened a site saved under an innocuous name, and it was porn that seriously GROSSED me out. (I wasn't snooping: This is our home computer, a computer we share, and our bookmarks are all jumbled together.) It's not illegal, but it has really put me off sex with him. I feel weirded out that he gets aroused by that stuff. Is my GGG status revoked? Is there anything to say, or do I let him go so he can be with someone less judgmental?
Reached GGG Limit
You've spent more than a decade with this man, RGGGL, all of your adult life, and yet you're contemplating divorce after finding one--one!--disturbing website bookmarked on your computer? That seems a bit extreme. Go to him, tell him what you found, and before he can say a word explain that you were so disturbed that you found yourself contemplating divorce. Then demand an explanation.