By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
Background: Not long ago, a certain woman went from being my brother's "fuck buddy" to being his girlfriend. From what I can tell she is GGG (or maybe he is) and they have a creative sex life. I am in my mid-30s, my brother and his girlfriend are in their early 40s.
So here I am, finding this woman very attractive. She's good-looking, smart, and very sexy. When we were all out together this weekend, she put her hand on my arm, made positive comments about my looks, and, when we were crossing a busy street, she held my hand. I know this just shows that she's a warm, affectionate person, but it affected me very strongly.
Would it be out of line for me to tell her I'm attracted to her? Alternately, could I tell my brother that his girlfriend is awesome? Or should I keep it to myself and fantasize?
Lustful Little Brother
Forgive me, LLB, for what is bound to be sub-par advice.
In an effort to ensure that my son is as gay as a goose when he grows up, my boyfriend and I bought season tickets to a Major League Baseball franchise. When I was a kid I hated going to ballgames with my dad and brothers--oh, the tedium!--but my son loves 'em, so his gay dads go to ballgames. I actually enjoy going now that I'm a grownup. The difference? Beer. Unlike my grandparents, siblings, uncles, and cousins, however, I drink in moderation, which at the ballpark works out to one beer every other inning. Well, last night's game went into extra innings, so I had extra beers, and now I'm so hung-over I can barely hold my head up. It hurts to think, and I probably shouldn't be operating a laptop in this condition but, hey, deadlines are deadlines.
So your brother's girlfriend holds your hand when you cross the street. Hmm. That could mean she's attracted to you, LLB, or it could mean that she thinks you're a 'tard who needs help crossing the street. Combined with those other gestures--touching you, paying you compliments--I'd guess it's the former. So what do you do? Well, gee. I dunno. What's your brother like? If he's the jealous, violent type, you might not want to hit on his girlfriend, however GGG he and/or she is/are. If he's sweet and generous and a bit of a freak, go ahead and hit on her--but get your brother's permission first.
This girl may not be in the picture for long, but your brother is going to be your brother forever, so it's important that you handle these potentially explosive negotiations with care. Don't say, "Can I fuck your girlfriend, bro?" Say something equally blunt but noncommittal, something like, "Your girlfriend is hot, bro, and she's a total flirt." This statement will be met with silence, a rebuke, or an admission on your brother's part that his girlfriend, indeed, is hot and a flirt and, if you're lucky, just as interested in you as you are in her.
Oh, and for the record: No one I know who's had a three-way with a sibling looks back on the incident with fondness. No brotherly tag-teaming, 'kay?
My boyfriend and I are 18, and we're in love. We've been together for almost four years. He recently decided that he is against abortion, to the point where he won't have sex with me unless I agree to have the kid if I get pregnant. I told him there's no way I can agree to that. It's my choice what I want to do with my body, but he says it's his choice if he wants to stop having sex with me because he disagrees with my views on the matter. (Which is something he read in your column, BTW.) Where do I go from here? I can't be celibate until I'm ready to have a kid. But I don't want to break up with someone I love because of a sincere moral disagreement. What now?
One Boy's Girl Yearns Nervously
As a general rule, OBGYN, fertile pro-choice girls shouldn't have premarital sex with controlling anti-choice boys. But you love him, and sometimes love makes exceptions. So if you do stay with him, and you agree and/or pretend to agree to his conditions, and you get pregnant, and you do decide to have an abortion, what the hell is he going to do about it? Lock you in the trunk of his car for nine months? Whatever you tell him now, it will still be your body, and your choice then. Use condoms, take the pill, get a diaphragm, cross your fingers, and fuck his brains out.
Hey, dude! When I'm doing the deed with my girlfriend she makes a shitload of noise... plus I can't concentrate and ccccccuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmm... anyways... personally, I think she's faking her orgasms... how can I prove it?
How about a brain scan? Researchers at the University of Groningen in the UK announced last week that a simple brain scan can detect when women are faking orgasms. In the kind of science that just isn't being done in the United States anymore, dozens of British women underwent brain scans while their partners "manually stimulated them." In a finding that should discomfort men everywhere, professor Gert Holstege told the BBC that "women can imitate orgasm quite well." But when women have actual orgasms, said the prof, "we see an extreme deactivation of large portions of the brain." Don't laugh, guys--at least women's brains are active before and after orgasm.