Observations of an Ass Sniffer

Now Let Me Out, I Have to Pee

I like sitting in his lap and driving with the window down. I like wrestling with the kids. I sleep with the boy, in his bed. We laugh about how we pulled off the brown-eyed adoption thing, like we robbed a bank or something. Meanwhile, Column Guy dopes himself up on allergy drugs, just so he can breathe and hang with me. I like curling up at his feet when he writes or reads or watches the ball game. Burglars! Kill! Kill!

My favorite part of the day is when it's just him and me, late at night. He looks at the stars and peeks in windows and wonders about the people inside. I sniff the ground and whiff the midnight mist and pretend he's Sherlock Holmes and I'm the hound of the Baskervilles. We stop and listen whenever we hear wind chimes. He says, "Good boy" to me and I wag my tongue and tail. We don't talk, but sometimes he sings Neko Case's "I Wish I Was the Moon Tonight" and I howl the Stooges' "I Wanna Be Your Dog." Cop car! Nighttime! Quiet!

Jane Sherman

Zero can be reached at 612.372.3775 or jwalsh@citypages.com

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