By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your metaphor for the week is a spork, the dining implement that combines the features of a spoon and a fork. It has a rounded basin to hold liquids as well as a few tines on the end to stab solid food. Like the spork, you should be versatile as you gather nourishment for body and soul. On the one hand, you should be willing to make yourself a receptive vessel that can draw sustenance from ephemeral or mercurial stimuli; on the other hand you should be poised to aggressively snag more substantial fare.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Michael Weliky, a professor of brain and cognitive sciences, decided to test the accuracy of the old saw that we only use ten percent of our brains. He dreamed up a brilliant experiment that involved 12 ferrets watching the movie, The Matrix. His research was so convincing that the prestigious journal Nature published it. He concluded that we actually use 80 percent of our available brainpower, though much of the activity takes place unconsciously. I predict your own efficiency will be even higher in the coming weeks, Capricorn, perhaps zooming above the 90-percent level. It might be time for you to try solving some of your most enduring mysteries. You'll no doubt be able to come up with approaches as innovative as having ferrets watch The Matrix.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Be very discriminating about how you give and receive gifts, Aquarius. Unless everyone's motives are clear and impeccable, seeming acts of generosity could get distorted by hidden agendas. Please know that I am by no means making a prediction that there will be trouble. It's just that you must exercise even more than the usual amount of care to ensure that the bestowing of blessings doesn't lead to unintended consequences. Did you hear about the two teenage girls in Colorado who got sued by a neighbor after they brought her a late-night surprise gift of freshly baked cookies?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The hero of Haruki Murakami's surrealistic novel, Kafka on the Shore, can cause schools of fish to fall like rain from the sky. I suspect that you might be able to do that yourself, Pisces. At least temporarily, you have uncanny abilities; I'm tempted to say that you actually possess magical powers. Be careful how you use your wizardry, please. Use it exclusively to perform good works. There's no need to turn your adversaries into jack-in-the-boxes if you can simply make them less adversarial. You shouldn't waste your talent on materializing $20 bills on the sidewalk when you can just as easily manifest an improvement in your working conditions.