Who Will Be the White House's Next Top Fake Reporter?

Now that "reporter" Jeff Gannon, nee James Dale Guckert, has resigned from the Talon "news" organization, the White House is going to need another fake reporter to throw softballs at the president! Executive Producer Mark Burnett is currently accepting videotapes, and will select 5 lucky contestants who will vie for the chance to be the next paid Republican shill, I mean fair and balanced member of the White House press corps! Coming this spring to FOX: Who will be the White House's next Top Fake Reporter?

The contestants:

Joyce, 36
Weekend anchor, Eau Claire, WI
Question: Sen. Ted Kennedy said yesterday that he doesn’t think the president’s awesome plan for Social Security is feasible, and I was wondering if his having sex with a goat on the floor of the Senate was considered rude and disgusting by the president?

Donovan, 44
Banker/blogger, Ames IA
Question: I was wondering, as the war in Iraq comes to an end with successful democratic elections, how would Sen. Hillary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, and Jane Fonda seen kissing each other on the mouth in a car outside the Rayburn Bldg affect this?

Shelby, 41
Morning traffic, Kansas City, MO
Question: Will the tough stand President Bush has been taking with those ruthless thugs in Iran be undermined by the fact that Senator Barbara Boxer of California is a high-ranking ayatollah with numerous followers ready to strike at her command?

Eric, 32
Noon sports, Silver City, NM
Question: Just one quick question: With the generous tax cuts all Americans have received since President Bush took office, I was wondering if the transvestite prostitutes frequented by Michigan Senator Carl Levin have been able to buy even more crack and fishnets?

Gwendolyn, 27
Public access host, Boise, ID
Question: How does the President feel, that while he has no litmus test for a potential Supreme Court nominee, John Kerry says he won’t confirm anyone unless they’ve burned at least two U.S. flags and have drank blood as part of either a satanic or sexual ritual?

Tune in Fridays at 8 on FOX to see who becomes the White House's next Top Fake Reporter!