Savage Love

My boyfriend reads your column religiously, and he agreed to submit to your binding arbitration. We await your orders, Dr. Savage.

All Day I Dream About Sneakers


Before I hand down my verdict--and the suspense, I suspect, is killing no one--a word about your boyfriend's anxieties. While you may not be having intercourse with this cocky college boy (CCB), ADIDAS, it's understandable that your boyfriend would feel threatened. You've been seeing CCB a lot longer than you've been seeing him, for starters, and it's only natural that your boyfriend wants to be the person with whom you realize your "ultimate fantasy."


It's curious that your boyfriend would submit to my binding arbitration, ADIDAS. Anyone who reads my column religiously has to know that I would come down on the side of college boys, medical restraints, and sweaty sneakers. Don't I every time? So your boyfriend is, on some level, cool with you seeing CCB again. But before you make a date, ADIDAS, give some thought to how you can involve your boyfriend in this elaborate humiliation scenario. Perhaps your boyfriend would like to be there, strapped down right beside you, with CCB's other sneaker taped to his face? Or if it's humiliation you're after, what could be more humiliating than knowing your boyfriend is hanging out with CCB--drinking your beer, playing video games--while you're strapped to a gurney? If you can find a way to include your boyfriend in your ultimate fantasy, he won't feel so threatened by it.

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