Lost and Found, Northeast Minneapolis Edition

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. And sometimes the Lord droppeth his stash. Or so it struck me after running into an acquaintance who told me his story of a Friday-night bike ride through northeast Minneapolis two weeks back. For reasons that will become obvious, he asked not to be identified.

"Me and my buddy were riding bikes over to the bar," he said. "We were on Fourth Street, about a block away, when I see this plastic bag laying in the street by a row of parked cars. It was partly open but still I couldn't tell what was inside.

"You know how some people will scoop up dog poop and then throw the bag on the curb? Really sucks. That's what I figured it was. But then I ran over the bag with my front tire, and I could tell it wasn't dog poop. I circled back around to take a closer look. My buddy asked, 'What are you doing?' I said, 'I am investigating.'

"I bent over and picked up the bag and looked at it. I said, 'Oh, my God! These are psychedelic mushrooms!' They weren't just the regular dried ones, either. They were what they used to call batwings, which means that they're not fresh--they're still dried--but they're rubbery. And they are much better quality than the regular ones.

"So I put the bag in my pocket and went to the bar. When I got to the bathroom, I took it out and found another little zip-lock bag inside the big bag. It was blotter acid. Black on one side with stars. Turns out there were two sheets, with 36 hits.

"After that, I ran into a couple of guys I know. They told me they were bummed out because they had to go up north because their grandmother died and they had to deal with her estate. So I said, 'Hey, guess what I found on the way here?'

"When I asked whether they'd ever done any of this stuff, one of the guys said, 'Yeah, back in high school.' So I tossed him a couple of hits. Hopefully, that relieved some of their sorrow when they were going through their grandma's stuff. I don't know if it worked. I haven't talked to them yet.

"A friend of mine told me I could get $10 a piece for the rest of the LSD. I could buy one hell of a used bike with that kind of money. Also, my birthday is coming up, so I was thinking about doing some of the mushrooms with a few of my cronies. You know, after the election, we all may need a little boost."

 
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