Savage Love

A Sensitive Soul


Yeah, yeah, ASS: It's her body and everything and she said "no" and what part of that don't you understand, and a sensitive soul would never pressure his girlfriend to try anything that made her uncomfortable, and certainly wouldn't write to a sex-advice columnist seeking pointers on getting his finger into his girlfriend's butthole, and would just drop the subject and hold his girlfriend close and cuddle her and put some Kings of Convenience on the stereo and light some candles and make his girlfriend feel warm and safe and blah blah fucking blah.

Out here in the real world, however, boyfriends pressure girlfriends and girlfriends pressure boyfriends and boyfriends pressure boyfriends and girlfriends pressure girlfriends to try stuff all the time--even stuff, ASS, that they balked at the first few times the subject was raised. Hey, did I say "pressure"? Perhaps it would be more accurate to say "beg." Yes, it's her body--let's be clear about that. But gently and respectfully asking/pressuring/begging someone to expand his or her sexual horizons is not the same thing as refusing to take "no" for an answer. It's just refusing to take "no" for an answer right away.

So how do you address your girlfriend's specific objections to a finger in the butt during oral sex? You can dispatch with the "icky" factor by going down on her in the shower, ASS. Then when she's all worked up you ask if you can stick a finger into her squeaky clean ass. If she says it will make her self-conscious, reassure her that she's got a hot ass and that it would look even hotter with a finger in there. If this doesn't work, try it again three or four more times. If it still doesn't work, ASS, then she really did mean "no" and you should drop it.

Finally, ASS, just because your last girlfriend came really hard when you fingered her ass doesn't mean your current girlfriend will. Different people respond to different stimuli in different ways. Still, I think you should ask/press/beg on the off chance that this will send your girlfriend over the edge. Her reasons for saying no--cleanliness, self-consciousness--are stock anal hang-up stuff, precisely the kind of excuses that someone who doesn't really mean "no" tosses around. A little love, a little soap, a little begging, and you may help her discover that she digs anal play.

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