By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
Former mayor Sharon Sayles Belton once noted that obtaining a Hard Rock Cafe would be one of the important steps in Minneapolis's transition to "cool." Yet with the restaurant/club set to open September 12, one wonders just how much of an impact putting, say, the lead-singer-from-Candlebox's flannel in a glass case will have on the Warehouse District. Admittedly, what makes something "cool" is hard to pin down. But show us a fanny-pack-wearing jackass with a Hard Rock London T-shirt, and we'll show you what cool isn't.
Granted, as an alternative weekly that happens to be incorporated, City Pages might not be in a position to haze our new chain-club neighbors. So we assembled a blue-ribbon panel to do it for us.
CITY PAGES:Do you think the Hard Rock will make it past its first Minnesota winter?
LORI BARBERO, FORMER BABES IN TOYLAND DRUMMER:My Grandma said, "If you can't say anything nice about somebody, don't say anything at all."
KIM HA, RADIO K DJ:Chances are, the Hard Rock Cafe will have to stay open until at least a dozen of their T-shirts end up at a Savers in a different state.
JAKE RUDH, LOCAL DJ: As long as Minnesota remains surrounded by Canada, the Dakotas, and Iowa, unfortunately, I think the Hard Rock Cafe will not only survive, it'll thrive.
LEE BAILEY, GENERAL MANAGER, HARD ROCK CAFE: Of course. We never like to put numbers on it, but we will do very well our first year.
CP:How do you think the new neighbors will get along?
BAILEY: We are honored to be located next to First Avenue and its history. I mean, Prince shot Purple Rain there!
STEVE MCCLELLAN, GENERAL MANAGER, FIRST AVENUE: I am just very proud that the Powers That Be behind this city's long-range planning efforts have finally brought a "real" rock club to downtown Minneapolis after all these years.
CP:Do you think Hard Rock's food will be better than First Ave.'s pizza, at least?
HA: You should not be able to buy anything but stale potato chips at a bona fide rock club.
CP:What kind of cheesy memorabilia will be featured at the Minneapolis location?
HA: Prince's silk bathrobe? Maybe the original lyrics to "Funkytown"?
SAMMY G, SELBY TIGERS: They have been in touch and I will be donating my scarf collection and a retired jumpsuit. I am told they are to be prominently displayed, apparently right next to several items from my good friend Louie Anderson.
Tillmann: The actual suits that David Lee Roth's midget bodyguards wore would be awesome.
BAILEY: We don't have any cheesy things. We have 65,000 pieces of memorabilia worth over $32 million in all of our cafés.
CP:C'mon, what about Christina Aguilera's bustier?