By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
Running With Scissors/Ripcord Games
Attention borderline psychopaths and paranoids who haven't yet found the courage to act on your violent fantasies: Postal is the perfect CD-ROM for you. In this game, violence is justified because everyone is out to get you. Shoot first and fuck the questions. Spread your wrath in a variety of scenarios. One moment you're in a junkyard surrounded by SWAT teams and commandos--and the next you're in a residential area with a parade going on. The cops and your not-so-friendly neighbors want to take you out. Nobody gets the benefit of the doubt, since some of the kids in the marching band are packin'. But don't sweat it. Your arsenal of mass destruction--including Molotov cocktails, napalm, heat-seeking missiles, flame throwers, and big fucking guns--would give pause even to a UN inspections team.
Postal depicts a 2-D reality of killing sprees and massacres in full A/V glory. Brains splatter and bullet-riddled corpses don't suddenly disappear. If a half-slain victim tries to crawl away while begging for mercy, just remember that Kevorkian is a punk-ass chump--and that a flame-thrower gets you bonus points.
The makers of Postal, Running With Scissors Productions, make it clear that theirs is a game for mature adults over the age of 18: RSP accepts "NO responsibility for any and all random acts of stupidity or violence committed by losers who may blame popular entertainment media and/or sugary snack foods for causing their inherent basic lack of control..." On that note, the holiday season is just around the corner and you probably know someone who needs therapy. Give the gift of Postal!