By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
9. Thursday, Feb. 10,
FINAL COVER STORY CONFAB, THE Onion Volume 31, Issue 6.
In attendance: Scott Dikkers (SD), Editor in Chief; Robert Siegel (RS), Senior Editor; Mike Loew (ML), Graphics Editor; John Krewson (JK), Assistant Editor; Todd Hanson (TH), Head Writer.
TH: ... of all the "Horsley" science terms, "Horslo-Spectrometer" is my favorite.
RS: Okay. What else do we have the satellite doing?
JK: Spectrohorsal monitor scans current made-for-TV movies for traces of Lee Horsley.
RS: What is this one? Spectrographic analyzers scan upper atmosphere for trace elements of gases which may have originated within Lee Horsley?
SD: It's a fart joke!
RS: I can't believe we made a Lee Horsley fart joke!
TH: This is so stupid... But stupid is great! It was totally worth the trouble it took to come up with Lee Horsley.
RS: Can we get a moustache joke in?
TH: Mike, can you make the the Horsley photo infra-red?
ML: Ummm... yeah... I think so... How's this?
RS: Are colors going to show that way on the page?
SD: Can we get more contrast on the infrared Horsley?
ML: How's this...
RS: We're losing the moustache now.
TH: Look how the information superhighway has enabled us to color in Lee Horsley's moustache at the touch of a button...