Peeling the Onion

9. Thursday, Feb. 10,
5:22 p.m.

FINAL COVER STORY CONFAB, THE Onion Volume 31, Issue 6.

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More About

• Tom Bosley
• Robert Siegel
• Lee Horsley
• Soft Drinks
• Food and Cooking

In attendance: Scott Dikkers (SD), Editor in Chief; Robert Siegel (RS), Senior Editor; Mike Loew (ML), Graphics Editor; John Krewson (JK), Assistant Editor; Todd Hanson (TH), Head Writer.

TH: ... of all the "Horsley" science terms, "Horslo-Spectrometer" is my favorite.

RS: Okay. What else do we have the satellite doing?

JK: Spectrohorsal monitor scans current made-for-TV movies for traces of Lee Horsley.

RS: What is this one? Spectrographic analyzers scan upper atmosphere for trace elements of gases which may have originated within Lee Horsley?

SD: It's a fart joke!

RS: I can't believe we made a Lee Horsley fart joke!

TH: This is so stupid... But stupid is great! It was totally worth the trouble it took to come up with Lee Horsley.

RS: Can we get a moustache joke in?

TH: Mike, can you make the the Horsley photo infra-red?

ML: Ummm... yeah... I think so... How's this?

RS: Are colors going to show that way on the page?

SD: Can we get more contrast on the infrared Horsley?

ML: How's this...

RS: We're losing the moustache now.

TH: Look how the information superhighway has enabled us to color in Lee Horsley's moustache at the touch of a button...