By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
Unabashedly rutting horndogs have the City Pages's Wild Side. Overeducated, fault-finding elitists have The Right Stuff, a dating service for graduates and faculty of top-tier colleges. Chances are, if you're old, suburban, Christian, or incarcerated, there is a specific dating service for you; but until Cyrus Kelly founded Odd Inclinations©, there was nothing for people who's most fundamental characteristic is that they're strange.
"Even in big cities like San Francisco, there isn't a service for weirdos," says Cyrus. "People who have a lot of emotional baggage and who had weird childhood's and are likely to act out in strange ways and have strange, obsessive hobbies." And so, with the help of fellow "instigators" across the country, Cyrus launched Odd Inclinations©, the first, and only, matchmaking service you can turn to if you're an "artist, punk, poet, visionary, intellectual, extremist, or any other sort of societal alien."
For the past year, Cyrus has been distributing flyers and advertising in 'zines published in Upstate New York, San Francisco, and Boston. Here in Minneapolis, you can sometimes find the Odd Inclinations© questionnaire mingled with the other flyers on the windowsill at Lava Lounge, or stacked on the folding table in the Laundromat next to Muddy Waters.
The application is a single page of questions, 14 in all, printed in bright green ink under the headline Are You Strange? "Welcome to Odd Inclinations©," reads the first line. "Where unique and creative people can finally find each other.... 'Normal' people need not apply." To help discourage "normals," Cyrus specifically wrote the questions to stump, puzzle, and otherwise confound the pedestrian mind. The first question is easy (it asks for basic attributes like age, sexuality, and diet, and for the "limits on your potential mate") but question number two is a little harder: "Is your personality more like lambswool, or like Waldorf salad, or carbide coarse grit, or something else entirely? Describe yourself in wine-taster's terms. What flavor or aspect of you is unpalatable to 'normal' people?"
Cyrus insists he's not trying to be nutty for nuttiness' sake. For him, Odd Inclinations© is a labor of love, a long term project which will evolve and grow over time. The soul of Odd Inclinations© is in the questions. Cyrus designed each one to more accurately reveal political and personal beliefs simply by not directly asking about these beliefs. For example, question number eight ("Is pink inherently good or inherently evil? How about petroleum products?") has prompted a few passionate and telling, responses. "It seems like a stupid question," Cyrus explains. "But some people have really strong feelings about it. I got three responses from people who were offended by the question because they insisted pink was inherently good, like this guy from the military base in Haiti--he is obsessed with flamingos and for him pink is a very positive thing.
Every questionnaire is processed by Cyrus personally, who has no set system, but instead uses his intuition in scrutinizing the pink/anti-pink controversy and others for hidden clues to an applicants ideal lover. While some get a form-letter asking them to wait patiently because the match-making process is so difficult, many receive a personal response. "I am either touched by their writing, or concerned," says Cyrus. "Or I need to turn them away because they're too normal." In such cases he will even go so far as to give the reasons why the person didn't qualify.
When asked what constitutes "too normal" Cyrus offers this example. "I get people who are on a super Japanese futuristic kick of some kind where they love computers and death-oriented stuff and all they want is a red-headed bimbo witch into bondage. That's actually fairly common entry, and I try to discourage these folks because I think they're really normal people who just haven't accepted that in themselves. They may just need some therapy and a back rub."
While Cyrus tries not to judge people's fantasies or expectations, he's not afraid to question them. He's learned that people often have a very elaborate idea of what they want in a mate, and that too often these strict requirements keep them from being happy. "I nearly always find that these expectations reflect more strongly on flaws we see in ourselves or fantasies we place ourselves in, than in another person's thoughts and needs."
So what makes a good candidate for Odd Inclinations©? The ability to wrap your mind around a question like number 14 helps ("Have you ever thought you might be from another planet,
or that you might be psychic? Tell an anecdote of an instance when you felt sure of it."), but mostly it's important to answer every question as best you can and with as much spirit and life as you can muster. "Just being interesting is enough!" says Cyrus, which in these times (or times past for that matter) is a very odd inclination indeed. *
In the old days, the really old days, you just jumped onto a deer and killed it, and dragged it back to your hut. You just ate it, and then you just threw the guts at your kid brother. Then, all of a sudden, someone invented pockets. Now you brought your knife, you gutted the deer where it fell. Progress, right?