THE FANCIEST CAT

You'll know them by the glittering pom-pom tipped wands that bulge from their pockets.

          The Marley Knocker

          This handsome door-knocker, made from butternut with brass accents, features a holographic image of old Ebenezer's dead partner, Marley. For an additional $9.99, substitute the image of a dead loved one. Guaranteed to give a jolt to the skinflint in your family! $79.99. Some assembly necessary.

          The Ghost of Christmas Past VideoMemories Kit from Xerox(TM) Scrooge needed a ghost to record his precious family memories. But you can create your own handsome video journey through the past with this unique gift. The Ghost of Christmas Past VideoMemories Kit turns family snapshots into a Victorian-style slide-show you can view on your home entertainment center. $29.99. VCR not included.

          The Bob Cratchit Dayton's Gold Charge Account

          Let's face it, if everyone had to hold off on the Christmas goose while their miserly uncles experienced revelations about themselves, there'd be a lot of hungry people during the holidays. Fortunately, we've come a long way from the days of debtor's prison! In fact, we encourage you to owe us money! As long as you make regular monthly payments that just cover the fees, interest, and a tiny percentage of your principal, we're happy to charge you for carrying a debt with us--for years if you want. It's our special way of saying "thank you."

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