SO DON'T GO. It seems the only sensible response to folks carping about holiday gatherings with hated relatives and treks through horrid Minnesota cold. There are plenty of things worth doing in the winter, but frankly, the overwhelming majority of them happen indoors, preferably in your own home, either by yourself or with a few hand-picked accomplices. With that in mind, City Pages offers the following guidebook to winter hibernation (as well as some out-of-doors activities for the hardcore). For savoring the special misery that is the human condition at this time of year, we have an assortment of winter-themed fiction from Mark Richard, Jonis Agee, Sheila Cudahy, Greg Mulcahy, and Dawn Raffel. Then CP film critic Rob Nelson picks a batch of unusual films worth holing up with. And finally, we've supplied a list of events so you can see what you're missing, curled up there in bed. Happy snuggling.